Give Friend Request Feedback -
Not so sure they want it but here goes!

• Please let us know why you’ve sent friend requests to people who don’t know you: What an amazing accusation and assumption that is probably incorrect for the thousands of people that they send it to!

• (For requests sent in the past six months)

• “You’ve been blocked from sending friend requests temporarily because multiple people you sent friend requests to indicated that they don’t know you or have left you pending in their request list for too long. We’re sorry.” Temporarily has now turned into several weeks.
  

• Thanks for taking the time to give us feedback. Unfortunately, we can’t respond to individual feedback emails, but we are reading them. Wow, then why answer your question?

MY RESPONSE TO FACE BOOK THIS MORNING WHEN I LOGGED ON…

I am a 42 year old woman who NEVER sends a friend request to people I don’t know. Recently, I have tried to go back and locate people from high school, such as my best friend, our old neighbor and her husband, my husbands best friend.  In the process, I sent facebook requests to those that I saw that I had been looking for – for years.  Many of them accepted me right away. I can still name the ones who haven’t, and many of those requests just sit there just pending.  I’ve actually gone to their pages and it still states “Friend request pending” which means they have just left my request there with no response. I cannot account for that, yet it stops me from adding people I wish to add in the future.  Truly, the people who have friend requests just pending should have a penalty for not responding to them, and those requests should time out and be dropped if they are not answered within a week.  That way I don’t look as if I’m stalking people, requesting friend requests from people whom I do not know (which is never the case), and I would not be typing this ridiculous letter to someone out there who will not respond (From the statement below this box that states “Unfortunately we can’t respond to individual feedback emails but we are reading them.”

I feel that if you have the time to individually block me and not observe my activity and WHY I am blocked from requesting friends, then you should take the individual time to respectfully consider exactly how many friend requests have gone unanswered and how many have been rejected – and then notify me that this is the case.

To top this off, I  logged onto facebook this morning and it said “Add friends whom you know” or something of the like, and named all of these people – most of whom I know – that I could click “Send friend request” to and ask to add them.  I found my 20 year long pastor on there – the one I haven’t seen since he buried my mother back in our home state some 5 years ago.  When I tried to add him – at YOUR offer – it reminded me that I am blocked because I supposedly “Sent friend requests to people who don’t know me” in the past six months and brought me here.

Please know that if my work did not require me to administrate their face-book page, I would not have a face-book.  For so many reasons and more, Facebook has been a nightmare instead of a social network that promotes connections, friendships and positive experiences.  It’s definitely not worth the time I spend to write about issues such as this.

Unfortunately, there are many people on face book who are on here to restore friendships, not beef up the number of “friends” in their list to see how high the number goes. I’m just one of those who has been affected by a computerized program that lacks human touch and administration, and apparently, I’m just one of thousands.

PS. When is the last time face book took time to look at this page and many others regarding this feature. This is really really sad!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/You-have-been-blocked-from-adding-friends/108299462551143

1. What’s not to love?
2. They have a potential for romance!
3. I love rich, smooth chocolate.
4. I love juicy sweet strawberries.
5. Strawberries just fit so perfectly in your mouth.
6. They are beautiful!
7. Bite through the outside layer of chocolate and you think you are in Heaven, until you taste the sweet juice of the strawberry as it drips down your lips. Now that’s heaven.
8. They make me happy.
9. When I’m sick, they make me feel better.
10. I wasn’t introduced to chocolate covered strawberries until I was in my 30′s so now I have to eat more to make up the time!
11. My husband knows how to whip up a batch in two minutes flat!
12. Strawberry season is just around the corner!
13. Because God has made my mansion in Heaven out of strawberries with an endless chocolate moat going through the center of it.

Websites, businesses, gyms, exercise equipment commercials, nutrition commercials, supplements, billboards… they all target you and lure you into a new years resolution that promises change and an incredible body.  But how many people find that incredible body in the 1-3 months it takes them to fall off of the “Resolution Bandwagon?” Oh how I’d love to see the statistics for those who never meet their yearly resolutions. I would definitely be in several years of those statistics… but not anymore!

January is my month to enjoy watching friends join the rat race to the gym. It is my month to read blogs and Facebook posts about diets and exercise regimen’s, and my month to do as I try to do every other month of the year.  That is, walk or run for exercise, try a new sport, be careful of what I put into my body, and enjoy an oreo or a chocolate covered strawberry when I crave one – all without the guilt! Such a novel idea and I LOVE IT!

While I must recognize that there are those people who effectively meet their resolutions with ambition and follow through, more often I find that those who start a resolution have forgotten about it by March. For those of you who are appalled at what I am saying, let your anger and hostility try to prove me wrong by carrying you through April in your new resolution before you give it up. At least you’ll have a healthier body for that swimsuit during spring break!

That being said, I just don’t understand why we rush to shock our bodies into submission.  It’s just no fun and the truth is, our bodies are begging us to give up the shock and just treat it right every day of the year.

We have been taught to eat right and cater to our bodies by decreasing stress, laughing more often, resting and drinking plenty of water each day.  It doesn’t make sense that we choose a date to just “start” eating right, exercising, and drinking water.  Our bodies need these things to survive, and frankly put… if we don’t do these things correctly throughout the year… it will eventually kill us one way or another!

In closing, my mother was an avid dieter.  She had impeccable timing in starting her ‘diet’.  “Oh I’ll start it on Monday morning” … which meant on Sunday night we were going to a supper buffet where we would stay until we shut the place down.  It also meant that on Monday morning we were no longer allowed to have any sweets in the house.  No sugar, no cookies, no candy, no butter… the list goes on and on.  When we’d ask her why WE couldn’t have treats once in a while we were told they were not good for us and that the temptation for her to eat them was too great.  So while she resolved to stick to her diet by continuing to go to buffet lines and ordering a diet coke to offset the fat in the meal, we were starving and losing weight AND couldn’t have the luxury of a cookie once in a while.

While this all sounds funny, it was  reality.  Sometimes learning to do what you should do every day, and choosing to do what is RIGHT every day, will in the long run give you long life, health, happiness and well-being on this earth. I truly believe that!

So when you fall off the bandwagon, lighten up on yourself and have a cookie, and the next meal… eat what you ought and then take a brisk 30 minute walk and enjoy some fresh air with your family.  Get into the habit of doing that several times a week and you’ll be amazed how healthy your body begins to look and how mentally good it makes you feel to be caring for yourself every day without rigid stress of “messing up!”

Compelling Thought: Are New Years resolutions worth the 1-3 months of stress it causes your mind in January and February, only to give your body 10 months of bad eating habits and starving it of exercise the rest of the year? I just can’t say that I think this is a very healthy plan for those who can’t stick with it.

6 days ago I had my gall bladder removed by laparoscopic surgery after 7 weeks of gall bladder attacks, gall bladder pain, and gall stones. Not something you’d blog about, except for the fact that google can’t pacify my need to know why I’m not up and moving as quickly as everyone else says they do after they have this surgery!

I only found a site or two with current information from people who also said that being your “normal” self 2 day’s post-op is not often the case. I feel that people out there need to know that being ”Normal” is most often NOT the case 2-3 (a few) days after this surgery. In fact, I can’t even remember the first 3 days after my surgery thanks to pain medication that kept me loopy and only touched the pain.

Sure, there are those who I’m sure are back at work 3 days post-op and ready to take on the world. What those people don’t tell you about is that many find that they relapse into illness and other complications 3 weeks out because they didn’t listen to their body and heal to begin with!  Another question that google could not answer was “how many of the physicians who perform this surgery have actually had the surgery and recovered from it… in 2-3 days?”  I know mine hasn’t, because I asked him! He is the same guy who told me “oh a few days and you’ll be back to your normal self!” I find this interesting.

I feel so horrible that I still can’t help around the house, get up  and down off of the bed or couch without help, and can’t lie on my side yet.  I  feel as if I am healing well, but it’s definitely NOT as fast as everyone -  including my doctor – told me.  So here is my advice for those who want it.  There may be  a small handful of people out there who are back to work in a few days, but the  majority I talk to and read of need at LEAST a week or two to even begin feeling  close to normal.

My reality:

I need at LEAST motrin to feel as if I can  even get in and out of the shower by myself and move around and walk on my own.  Still don’t feel good enough to drive.  I still have my butterfly bandages on.   I still have internal stomach pain at my surgery sites, tire very easily, hurt when I laugh too much, and want to go outside and enjoy the weather but find myself enjoying a walk in the driveway and anxious to get back inside quickly.  Sneezing and coughing are NOT my friend. I can’t bend over and pick up the soap I drop in the shower  (that’s why my hubby is so kind to stand by) or the remote off of the floor by the bed.  I am presently lying on my back in the bed propped up by 5 pillows… the computer resting on pillow on my stomach to cushion me from it’s weight and pressure.  I unloaded the top rack of the dishwasher yesterday and it felt wonderful to help! However, I tried to pull a broom on  some spilled dog food yesterday – nope… not ready for that.  Did help cook  dinner by cutting up tomato and lettuce – was so proud of myself, and yesterday I sat at dinner table for  first time with my family (5 days post op) with the help of a pillow against my  tummy. I’m still wearing pajamas every day… can’t wear anything with a zipper or button yet.

Post op follow-up is Tuesday (8  days after surgery) and I will be waiting to go back to work til I am totally  ready because I start a new position and hit the ground running. Still feel and  look bloated, only sleep well with 1/2 a pain pill or motrin 800, and just  really want to be well so my wonderful husband can have a break from my needing  him.

My sister told me… “no-one in that family  cares that you are laying down on the couch and healing but you” and once again, she is right.  I have to accept that this was surgery, my body is not the same as anyone elses, and my body will heal only as fast as  it can.  I conclude that after 4 child births - 2 of them completely natural, that I must know what pain is.  This is just  different and I need to listen to my body.

What I am sure of is that I have had previous surgeries in which I did too much and the healing and outcome were not good at all. I do not wish this on anyone, so if this blog can help someone else heal without guilt and heal well, then writing it was worth it.

Wishing everyone health and wellness in 2012!

Society today often teaches us to determine the worth of an individual based on their sexuality (the way they look, act and can perform).  Because disabled people may not “look” sexy, act sexual, or be able to perform to the highest capability of a person without a disability, they are dismissed as being able to be sexual and have a sexually satisfying relationship. Amazing perception to me and sad. Yet, it’s more amazing that I’ve identified that this socially accepted view has become my mindset – evident in my response of  ‘bleh’ at first sight of this articles title.

America's Next Top DISABLED Model. December 3rd, 2009

Furthermore, the article identifies a heartwrenching statistic “Studies have shown that 90 percent of the developmentally disabled are sexually abused at some point in their lives.”  WHAT? Are you kidding me.  People cringe at the thought of a mentally or developmentally or physically disabled individual having a healthy sexual life, yet our society has victimized 90% of these individuals at some time in their lives??

Below is my summary that I had to post about this article on our discussion blog today.  Hopefully it will prompt someone to consider their social conditioning to the topic and give you something to think about as you consider making your way in this world and changing your view about social topics.  It has mine. Take it a step further, think of someone you know who has a disability. Do you view them as incapable of thinking and feeling the same way an otherwise ‘normal’ individual would? Furthermore, do you view them as incapable of loving normally, or incapable of carrying on a healthy sexual relationship because of they way their disability makes them look, act or behave?

(c) Jonhumphries.com

My blog post for College:
According to http://www.newsreview.com/chico/love-sex-for-the-disabled/content?oid=1920344 courses are being offered that teach developmentally disabled individuals create healthy sexual relationships in spite of their disabilities.  Those who are physically or mentally disabled are often socially viewed as incapable of having sexual relationships at all, let alone healthy sexual relationships.  This article reports that 90 percent of developmentally disabled individuals have been sexually abused at some portion of their lives. To combat these numbers, organizations are beginning to help educate this group of individuals thorough classes.  Education can decrease the numbers of sexually abused individuals and can possibly prevent these behaviors toward these individuals through education and community awareness.  Classes are taught in a 9 week series of sex education intended to help mentally or physically disabled individuals to respect themselves and form healthy relationships.  These classes are targeted to reach any and all individuals who have been labeled disabled prior to the age of 18.  Classes are often taught by others who are disabled, allowing class members to have someone to relate to while attending the program.

The hope is to educate individuals about what is “right of good about sex” so that individuals will be able to detect when something is “wrong or off” about sex.  The article states that the courses are vital to the health and protection of a group of citizens who are most vulnerable.

While this program is supported by state funding at this point, budget cuts will force the program directors to seek public support in helping this program to survive.  It is necessary to the support of the disabled, and necessary to reduce the sexual abuse that takes place due to lack of education and understanding of healthy sexuality.

It is my opinion that society should be educated regarding our views of the disabled community.  I feel that each and every person who provides healthcare should be introduced to this issue and the statistics that complicate the lives of the disabled in our country and abroad.

Even if a person is one of faith, the thing I hate most to hear them say is “well God wouldn’t give you any more than He thinks you can handle.” To me that is the dumbest cop-out response I’ve ever heard said from one human being to another, cop-out meaning this is something someone tells you when they don’t want to take time to meet you where you are and really give of their time to uplift you. This is a phrase that many hide behind to sound smart and biblically well read, but really God never said he wouldn’t give you any more than you can handle, He said He would not give you any more than His grace for you can handle. Throw grace into the equation, it now has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

While we walk through life, we live by emotion, crippled often by fear, wounded by pain, confused by heartbreak. Our minds cannot comprehend to handle life often from one day to the next. Yet, in the midst of it all, when we need it most a piece of strength comes from the blue… sometimes in a call from a friend, the love of a pet, the realization that though it seems bad – there is always ALWAYS someone worse off. In our devastation, the reality is that sometimes faith isn’t enough and we have to sit back and just realize that we are human and life is raw, and there’s no script to go by but the hope that tomorrow will be a better day and that God remains our hope in times of turmoil to meet us where we are and gracefully carry us to the next minute of our lives.

To learn the secret of life, maybe it is about accepting what is, embracing what is to be, and reaching forward to the hope and grace that is offered new each and every morning. When we’ve been knocked down, we need to back up again, and when we can’t get up again sometimes our grace comes in the form of understanding that all of humanity walks this road with us and others really do share in our pain. We must find and embrace the meaning of grace, and need to forever remember that some day soon us to a point that we will meet needs in others who have experienced the same devastation in their lives. There will always be someone we can tell that we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Someone that we can meet with compassion because we have truly been there.

Compelling thought: So when you are down, allow someone to give you a pick me up. Be so very proud of the person you are becoming… I’m learning at the age of 41 it is an ongoing process that will never be done…. not even when I take my last breath.

Madi is a typical three year old girl full of curiosity, spunk, and wonder. Madi loves playing with her family, going to church and school, and dressing up as a princess. She is showered with love and affection by her family and all who know her. Much to everyone's shock, Madi was recently diagnosed with Difuse Instrinsic Pontine Glioma, which is a tumor located in the base of the brain. Beginning April 4th, Madi will begin radiation therapy to battle the tumor. This treatment will last six weeks. Angie and Jay are reaching out to all of Madi's friends and family for prayer and support. In Angie's words, "This can be a miracle for all of us!"

By Angie: We all have something to learn from those who endure trials in their lives. Used with Permission 2011.

I have had people ask me how my faith is during this time. Often when people go through something difficult, and things don’t make sense with the world, they often are angry at God and turn away from their beliefs that were once so strong. I have definitely been confused and things don’t seem to make sense right now, but I have not once felt anger towards God.

I believe strongly in two things. I believe that the atonement will make up for everything, not just sins but also the sicknesses that this life subjects us to. It is confusing. How could anything possibly make up for this? What could we be given that would make this all worth it? But I believe in the promise. I also believe in eternal life. I believe that this life is just a short part of a long existence. We will all die and we will all live again. Everyone will do this at different times so some will be missed for a short period.

Because of these two truths, I am not angry. There have been many examples in my life when something has not made sense to me, until I finally have that “aha” moment and everything falls so clearly into place. Little things like math problems growing up. You look at a formula for the first time and wonder how anyone came up with that? But you know it’s right because it’s in the text book and some guy a million years ago thought it up and millions of people have proved it and used it since then. So you keep working on it and suddenly you have that moment of “ooooooh, I see.” Maybe some of you don’t like math as much as me, but I love how much it always makes sense, backwards and forwards. Another example is when someone does something that seems so weird, but you find out a little about their background and where they are coming from, and suddenly their actions make perfect sense. I have learned through my experiences in life that when I don’t understand something, I need to learn a little more or wait it out. When I do this, I usually avoid looking like a fool.

Unfortunately some lessons have to be learned the hard way. There was one time, in particular, that I did not understand something and ended up looking like a fool. Eight years ago, almost to the day, BYU was going to play UNLV in Las Vegas. Jay was attending BYU at the time, and I was living in Atlanta. We had been dating about a year and a half. He was planning to go to Vegas with a bunch of his roommates to see the game, and I had planned on watching it with my family at my parents’ house. I was living with my sister at the time. She asked me if I wanted to go shopping first (she has a dress that she needs to buy a necklace for and she’d like my help). I would never turn down shopping. While we were out, Jay called me from Vegas. He told me all the fun they had had the night before and how they were all getting ready to leave for the game. In the middle of my conversation, Cassie tells me she is ready to go home. The interchange went something like this:

“Cassie, I thought you were going to mom’s house to watch the game with us.”

“No, I don’t really want to go so I need you to take me home first.”

“Well, that is ridiculous. It is the opposite direction of where I am going. You should have told me before we left so we could take two cars.”

Well, I’m sorry, I want to go home.”

Meanwhile Jay is still on the phone and asking what is wrong. I proceed to tell him how selfish my sister is and how she has totally ruined my plans for the day.

When we pulled into the house, there was a wrought iron arch filled with flowers on my front door step. Confused, I got out of the car to see Jay walk out of the house and stand under the arch with a tux on and a ring box in his hand. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, to which I said yes. Cassie got pictures of the whole thing. We walked inside to rose petals on the stairs, two dozen roses on the table, and rose petals leading back to my room where a beautiful evening gown lay across my bed. My sister turned to me and said, “Here is the necklace we picked out. I bought it for this dress.” Jay said, “Get dressed because we have a private dining room reserved at a restaurant downtown to celebrate.” He confessed later that it was Cassie’s connections that hooked him up with the reservation.

Looking back on that day, I always laugh at myself for being so mad at my sister. I could not have been more wrong about calling her selfish. The entire thing was about me.  When I want to get angry at God, I think about days like that one. I have faith that if I get mad at God, I will feel so foolish when I finally put the whole thing together and realize it was all about me. Sure I’m confused, but I’ve been there before. So I will try to learn a little more and wait it out. I know things will eventually make sense. In the meantime, I am going to extend God the same courtesy I try to have for those around me and give Him the benefit of the doubt.

Here are a few things to know about effective communicators.  Effective communicators are that way for several reasons.

·       First, they often were influenced by an effective communicator for many years of their life. This means that someone took the time to help them think effectively, listen effectively, and communicate effectively. This was also the same person who taught them what was inappropriate to say in different situations, how to appropriately assert themselves, and how to analyze the most effective ways to use proper English and syntax when developing, formulating and completing complete thoughts.

·       Second, effective communicators do not try to make you look like an idiot.  You do that all by yourself. Period. End of discussion.  

·       Third, Effective communicators have learned how not to corner themselves, dig a hole for themselves, or put their words out there for others to use against them. This may be because we’ve made the mistake far too many times in our learning to never want to make the mistake again. Sometime in our life we have learned or been taught that if we don’t watch what we say, everyone else will – and they will use it against us in a heartbeat. Effective communicators are VERY SURE that what they say is something they don’t mind others using against them.

·       Fourth, Effective communicators often THINK about what they say before they say it, and because we’ve learned effective communication over many years of seasoned thinking, we usually can think through and process our thoughts very quickly to come up with a process of intelligent deduction leading us to what we have to say. If it comes out of an effective communicators mouth and you don’t like it or it sounds harsh – you can still be sure that they said what they meant and they though about what and how they said it.  Sometimes we intend to be quick, straight to the point, and not put ourselves in a position to feel as if we need to apologize.

·       Fifth, effective communicators do expect ineffective communicators to learn to think for themselves, think before they speak, take part in ALL processes of communication (speaking, hearing, listening, responding) in an educated way, respectfully.

·       Sixth, effective communicators do not care if you are educated in the use of large words and impeccable grammar.  We do appreciate that you make an attempt to have good conversation where good conversation is necessary.

While effective communication sounds as if it is one of the major qualifications that places an individual above another for acquiring that job of a lifetime, don’t let them fool you.  Being an effective communicator often just sets you up for failure in a world of people who could care less how effectively you communicate.  So dumb it down a little would ya?! Effective communication is grossly over-rated and a sure set up for failure!

Compelling Thought: The older I get, the more I realize 4 things. 1 – how valuable being quiet is, 2- how much I’m beginning to enjoy it, 3- how much smarter I sound when I am quiet, and 4- how much more ridiculous everyone else sounds when I am quiet. Maybe my hubby is onto something after all!